a sinking & yet hopeful feeling; my inner monologue

Finding inner peace is my constant struggle.

..because it is not a check list type event.

I may have everything I [think I] want --

a small, but cozy home that I love,

a happy and healthy relationship,

a great job -- a job I thought was my dream job,

a funny and terrific and supportive family,

friends who would do anything for me...

Sometimes everything is going well -- sometimes everything is going seemingly perfectly -- and I still do not feel at peace with myself.

I am constantly learning who I am deep in my heart and how to align my life with my inner desires and dreams.

I saw a therapist once. His focus was on an idea proposed by the great Mahatma Ghandi: "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."

Some days I wake up, and I feel that my current life's journey is taking me on a road to reach this blissful consistency of character...

Other days, I wake up and wonder how in the world I ever thought I was even close to the right path.

This is a little of an abstract idea, but I strive to accept and remember that perfect harmony in what I think, what I say and what I do is quite honestly impossible.

It is impossible because I am a human being meant to adapt and grow and change for the better and sometimes worse and if I ever was content with being the same forever, I would be stuck in my development as a human being. (Maybe this is where the "Ignorance is bliss" quote plays in.)

That being said, I believe working toward the goal of harmony in my thoughts and words and actions is the best way to be true to myself and to keep moving forward on those days when I just don't want to keep moving forward. Being aware of the inner desire my soul has for this special kind of consistency has forced me to constantly reevaluate what I want and need on a deeper level than just checking items off of a life to-do list.

These are all rantings of a day full of self-reflection and Dr. Pepper.

this is what i want to do someday.

http://www.msf.org.uk/article/yemen-driving-arvs-through-city-under-siege

Doctors Without Borders

Strength (poem)

This is the first poem I have ever written. I dedicate it to my mom, who is the strongest person I know.

10,000 Hours

Yesterday in institute we learned that it only takes three things to be great at things:

1. Sufficient Ability

2. Opportunity

3. 10,000 Hours

Today, I sat down and drew the first thing in front of me: my purse. I didn't over think my drawing; just drew.

The result was a very mediocre drawing. 

When I was finished, I forwent criticizing myself or criticizing the so-so drawing. Instead I thought "I could be good at this after 10,000 hours."

(Side note: is "forwent" a real word? If so, it is my new favorite word.)

I think I will draw more.

FALL TRAINING!

I decided to take a bridge year to learn things I can't possibly learn in a classroom. I want to learn about myself, other cultures and, ultimately, the world I feel that I am disconnected from.

So, I'm writing from Stanford University during Fall Training for my program Global Citizen Year.

For the first part of this adventure [aka FALL TRAINING], I am learning about leadership, storytelling, global diversity, mindfulness and MORE. I am learning from amazing people with amazing credentials.

I'm also meeting interesting, diverse, intelligent, and just plain awesome people that I am calling my peers.

(following the Stanford tradition of fountain hopping)

(got to tour Google!)

(my beautiful friend, Talia, with a Google bike)

(more beautiful friends -- Tsion, Fifi & Jojo)

I'll be keeping this blog up to date as I go on my bridge year adventure, so follow it/keep looking back! Also, check out [and follow] my Global Citizen Year website: globalcitizenyear.org/author/sydni-heron/.

One last note: Getting on the plane that took me to San Francisco was one of the scariest things I have ever done. I was sick to stomach with anxieties -- literally sick. 

But I BREATHED.

And I had faith that it would all work out.

And I didn't eat anything..

BUT I'M HERE, I'M HAPPY, AND I'M READY FOR THIS ADVENTURE.

follow this blog.

Next in my Ecuadorian adventure: I find out where (exactly) I'm going & what I'm doing in Ecuador

my love year adventure.

I will be spending my gap year adventure in beautiful Ecuador!

If you have talked to me about my gap year anytime during the last few months, you know how badly I wanted to go there. 

And now that I know that's where I'm going, you can listen to me blab about how ecstatic and terrifed I am! Cheers!

http://globalcitizenyear.org/updates/clockwork/

I AM GOING TO ECUADOR!

(I better start working on my Spanish...)

Next in my Ecuadorian adventure: Fall Training

application = sent.

fingers crossed!

a letter & a letter

(practicing taking blood pressure manually)

oh, hey. guess what i did today..

I PASSED STATE TESTING. i am now a CERTIFIED Nursing Assistant - a CNA. 

i am so excited! dream summer job, here i come.

cherry on top of the summer job cupcake: a letter from chris!

some pictures of his week:

 You were probably expecting something prettier, right? 

In his own words, "It has been a good week, but a painful one."

Tuesday he ran into a parked car. Totalled his bike. On Thursday he got into yet another bike accident (I think he borrowed a bike after wrecking his) in which he scraped up his face, ruined his new pants and got himself lots of bruises. And then , on Saturday, Chris & his companion were forced to walk home because Chris got a flat (...), and some lovely people driving past him (at 45 miles per hour, i may add) threw a slushy at him. That's right. Elder Stott got slushied. (Have you ever seen The Glee Project?) He says it was extremely painful and he now has a bruise on his stomach shaped like a cup.

things that could only happen to Elder Stott.

On the bright side, he went treasure hunting this week!

four photos.

and by four, i really mean eight.

eight photos, in four categories, to tell one story: mine.

my family.

my fashion.

my love.

and my dreams.

this is a blog of my ever-expanding story.