Wednesday, December 31, 2014

today is the last day of 2014 [lavender scarf]

i own a lavender scarf.

it is my favorite scarf, because i made it myself.

it took a few months and lots of patience.

patience to continue knitting line after line

and keep knitting,

even when i made a mistake.

i made a lot of mistakes...

sometimes i could track back and fix the knitting misstep, but a lot of those missteps were not easy fixes and they are now permanently etched into the rows of my favorite scarf.

my best friend, betty, and i learned to knit at the same time. she was really bad at it (haha -- she would agree with that statement), because she always restarted her piece each time she made an error. she restarted her scarf tens, if not hundreds, of times. in the end, she became frustrated and quit. she couldn't accept the flaws as a natural part of the process and it stopped her progress completely.

i finished my scarf. it is far from perfect.
yet it is my favorite scarf,
i made it with my own hands.
i worked for every stitch of that lavender scarf.

2014 has unraveled a lot differently than i expected.
[get it.. unraveled.. knitting..]

there are many knits in my life that others may look at and see as flaws.
there are many knits in my life that others do look at and see as flaws.
there are many knits in my life that are flaws.

..and that is okay.

..that is absolutely okay.

i accept this as my reality, and i see two major options stemming from it: 
1. dwell on those flaws
2. accept those flaws and just continue knitting

dwelling on my flaws and mistakes is easy. flaws are ugly. i don't want them. i want to get rid of them. i can spend a lot of time 
wishing i hadn't done something, 
or something hadn't happen to me, 
wishing i was better at blank,
etc, etc.

if i dwell excessively on my flaws, though, i can, like betty constantly restarting her scarf, stump my progress and personal growth.

going into 2015, i want to remember that
missteps and unexpected events are a part of the process of life
, and that they are okay

this new year i will continue knitting with patience, 
remembering that in the end i will be the proud owner of a beautiful, but not perfect, lavender scarf.

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