Wednesday, September 2, 2015

a sinking & yet hopeful feeling; my inner monologue

Finding inner peace is my constant struggle.

..because it is not a check list type event.

I may have everything I [think I] want --
a small, but cozy home that I love,
a happy and healthy relationship,
a great job -- a job I thought was my dream job,
a funny and terrific and supportive family,
friends who would do anything for me...

Sometimes everything is going well -- sometimes everything is going seemingly perfectly -- and I still do not feel at peace with myself.

I am constantly learning who I am deep in my heart and how to align my life with my inner desires and dreams.

I saw a therapist once. His focus was on an idea proposed by the great Mahatma Ghandi: "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."

Some days I wake up, and I feel that my current life's journey is taking me on a road to reach this blissful consistency of character...

Other days, I wake up and wonder how in the world I ever thought I was even close to the right path.

This is a little of an abstract idea, but I strive to accept and remember that perfect harmony in what I think, what I say and what I do is quite honestly impossible.

It is impossible because I am a human being meant to adapt and grow and change for the better and sometimes worse and if I ever was content with being the same forever, I would be stuck in my development as a human being. (Maybe this is where the "Ignorance is bliss" quote plays in.)

That being said, I believe working toward the goal of harmony in my thoughts and words and actions is the best way to be true to myself and to keep moving forward on those days when I just don't want to keep moving forward. Being aware of the inner desire my soul has for this special kind of consistency has forced me to constantly reevaluate what I want and need on a deeper level than just checking items off of a life to-do list.

These are all rantings of a day full of self-reflection and Dr. Pepper.


  1. Beautiful and definitely reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: "Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just ordinary people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. . . .

    Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."

    -Jenkin Lloyd Jones (quoted by President Hinckley in his talk "God Shall Give unto You Knowledge by His Holy Spirit")

    1. Wow. Thank you so much.

      Part of the reason I blog about these feelings, it to keep a catalog of them and to be able to refer to those feelings later. I'm so happy this quote is connected to this blog post -- it is beautiful and helps me feel so much better on the down days.. seriously, thanks so much for your thoughtfulness, Kaylee!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...